Things I Learned Marathon-ing Back to the Future

This weekend my fiance and I watched Back to the Future, then we naturally followed that up with Part II and finally Part III. To my fiance's credit, this was her idea. 342 minutes later, she loved the first one (which she was fairly certain she had never seen) and she hated the third one. She seemed indifferent on the second.

But what did I learn from marathon-ing these movies I'd seen many, many times before? A few things:

1. The first is the best. A damn near perfect movie that is only made more perfect compared to the other two.

2. The second has as many plot holes as The Dark Knight Rises.

3. We will fail to meet almost all of the 2015 requirements. The only thing we got right was the Miami baseball team.

4. The third is far more unrealistic than I thought as a kid. This is only true becauseI didn't have Deadwood when I was 7.

5. The recurring gags get old after the second one. By the time we get to the third film, it's nothing but callbacks to the other two movies in a Western setting. (They do have amazing restraint not having Marty skateboard around Hill Valley in the Old West.)

6. Turns out that Needles was not a character I kept missing in the first one. He was set-up in the future of the second film, but his importance is only really explained at the end of the third film. Fucking time travel. Speaking of...

7. Why the hell did Doc say the robbery was the main cause of his family's downfall when it was clearly the car accident? Sloppy work. Also, he looks down the barrel of a gun.

8. Aren't the Pizza Hut dehydrated pizzas the same as the NEW Pizza Hut sliders? (Ok. Maybe we got two things right.)

9. The repeating of what happened in the previous movie is a terrible plot device. It's kind of like watching TV shows on Netflix and every episode starts with "Perviously On..."

10. Hill Valley is way more fucking important than I realized.

11. How does future Biff keep getting rich when his casino is literally in a war zone? Also, do the muffins have an equal number of blueberries?

12. I wondered this before, but seriously... How the fuck did Doc Brown create a TIME TRAIN in 1885, or figuring the age of the kids - 1895? Why did he take it to the future first to get a hover conversation, then go back to get Einstein, then finally show up on the same fucking railroad track as Marty to say "Hi! We're still alive!" If it fucking flys, why does he bother using the railroad tracks! AND if he wanted the time machine destroyed, why did he build a new one?!

13. Why does Doc Brown turn into Willy Wonka at the end of the series?

14. Why did he set al his clocks to be 25 minutes late and call that an "experiment?" By that logic, I pretty much recreated that experiment all the time in college.

15. Blu-Ray ruins special effects. Not only did things stand out more, but you could also tell when stunt actors were involved. It was still close, but if you pay attention it's pretty fucking obvious. Also, some of the make-up now looks terrible 

16. The whole "chicken" thing was just an "easy button" for the plot. "What's his motivation?" "How about someone calls him chicken again?"

17. Marty goes from a decently smart guy, to an idiot. He's actually pretty good in the first one, quickly understands time travel when Doc explains it to him, comes up with the whole "Darth Vader from Vulcan" thing, hatches the plan to get his parents to fall in love. By the third, he can't keep track of days, doesn't understand the concept of gasoline, and thinks he'll crash into the fucking Indians at the drive-in!

18. From now on, I will only watch the first one. The plot makes sense, the characters are great, and Elisabeth Shue isn't in it. Crispin Glover is.

19. Marty had two very fucked up weeks in 1985, 1955, 2015, 1985A and 1885.

20. The only saving grace in the last two films is the chemistry between Doc and Marty.

So while the 6 hours of Back to the Future was fun, I probably wouldn't do it again.