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I've been quiet a couple days and broke my goal. There's a good reason for that. I had a decision to make.

What that decision was, I won't get into, but it doesn't really matter. I hoping it means good things.

Decisions though are a part of life. We all have to make them and most are small. "What do you want for dinner?" Once in a while, they are bigger. "What do you think we should do about Russia, Mr. President?" Mine was a bigger one, not quite that big though.

How do we make the bigger decisions? We take all the information we have and process it and process it and process it. Over and over again we mull over things to the point in which our loved ones just want us to decide. That's how my wife was. She was tired of me bringing it up.

Did I make the right decision? I think so. Unfortunately, it was the worst kind of decision to make. Not quite a Sophie's Choice. It was between Trump and Hilary. Neither choice is ideal, but one is clearly better than the other. It all depends on where your priorities sit. And I made one based on mine, which we were my mental health, my sanity, and the relationship with my wife. I think I made the right one and this choice will get me back on the right track. Further developments to come.


I thought of another dream

I've been up since a little after five and couldn't go back to sleep. So of course I watched a couple episodes of The West Wing. And I realized in the episode "Hartsfield Landing" that I did in fact have at least one more childhood dream. I've always wanted to learn how to play chess.

In the episode, President Bartlett gives chessboards from India to Toby and Sam. It's a nice allegory to the potential incident that's happpening around China and Taiwan. It's a great device in the episode, but it reminded me that for a long time, I wanted to learn how to play chess because it seemed like all the smart people on TV and in movies played chess. It seemed like all the smart people in the world play chess, or at least know how to play. You could have all the knowledge in the world, but if you didn't know how to play chess, you weren't smart.

Although, I suppose if you had all the knowledge in the world, that would include the rules of chess. But you get my point. I don't think that adage was ever true. It was probably something my young mind just made up. If it ever was an adage, I doubt it's still true. I don't really hear anyone talk about chess these days. I don't think it's ever stopped me from appearing smart. No one I know has ever approached me about playing a game of chess where I had to politely say: "I'm sorry. I don't know how to play." Then their view of me changes.

Maybe one day, I'll learn how to play just for something to do, but I probably have better things to do with my time these days.


Childhood Dreaming

Day 2 and I'm not really sure what to write. I knew this was going to be difficult. I'm basically trying to fish around in my head, take an incomplete thought, and sort it out in this format. It's like when a guy goes into Shark Tank and is pre-sales. Actually, it's worse than that.

One thing I've been thinking about lately are childhood dreams. Last week I read The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It's an amazing story. For those not familiar with it, Randy Pausch was a professor diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was given just a few months to live. The book is based on his "Last Lecture" that he gave and is available on YouTube. (I haven't watched it yet, because if the book is an indication it's going to be emotionally rough to watch.) Randy is essentially distilling all his knowledge about life into the smallest pieces so he can share it with his children before he goes.

Randy talks a lot about how he made his childhood dreams come true in some form or another. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what my childhood dreams were. Did I have so many that they just never cemented themselves in my memory? Did I give up on them early and not bother remembering them? Or did I not have that many? There's a few of them that I can think of, but they just seem like normal kid stuff, like being an astronaut and going into space, or being able to become Batman.

I guess if I had to find one in my memories, in it's truest form, I wanted to be a storyteller. I wanted to write and draw comic books. I watched a VHS tape called How To Draw The Marvel Way, but never quite got that good. I tried, but I gave up to easily. I wanted to make a movie once using my GI Joe action figures. My dad somehow got a hold of a camera and I did it. I don't think I ever watched it, but it's still somewhere in my parents house. I would make up elaborate stories and tales, sometimes for entertainment, sometimes at school to seem interesting and because I was bored.

I wanted to create things and build things. I build a play set for by actions figures out of K'Nex. Actually, I built a few different versions of them. They were great. Multiple levels and I would mock up, jail cells for the bad guys and computer terminals.

In the end, I guess my childhood dream could be distilled into one word: creator. And now that I realize that, maybe I've already, in someway at least, achieved my childhood dream. Now, I just need to find a way to make some money achieving that dream, instead of doing it for free. But at least I'm doing it, that alone counts as an achievement.


Daily Routine

I've been thinking a lot about daily routines lately. Somehow I've managed to develop some over the years, but whenever I resolve that I'm going to make something part of my daily routine, it rarely happens. At some point recently though, I've decided that I was going to read more and over the last couple weeks, I've done more reading that I have in a while. It's become part of my daily routine. How? No idea.

One thing that I would like to become part of my daily routine is writing more. Not sure how that's going to happen, but I thought maybe I could tackle two birds, one stone. I've often opened this journal or blog - or whatever it's called now - and tried to write something, but couldn't think of anything to write. So now, I'm going to try it again and see what happens. Maybe, just maybe, this will encourage me to write more and make it more of my daily routine. We'll see. (Which in my house growing up always meant "no." "Can I have a Stretch Armstrong for Christmas?" "We'll see." "That means no." "It means, we'll see." I never got a Stretch Armstrong.)

What will I write about? I'm not sure. Whatever I'm thinking about that morning. I'm going to attempt to stay away from political ramblings. There's enough of that on your Facebook feed. So we'll see what happens, but this is a good start.

Also, I'm not sure I ever wanted a Stretch Armstrong.



After college graduation, I moved to Boston. I had family here. And without a clear career path, this seemed like the perfect city to try and find something.

Skip ahead a few years, and I didn't find a career. I worked at a company that some of my podcast listeners will know as Goat. It was a lousy company to work for. Disorganized, shady at times, and the perfect place to fill a staff with fresh college graduates who didn't know any better.

But I did leave Boston with a group of amazing friends that I'll know for the rest of my life. That terrible job at Goat led me to my podcasting partner, Greg DiNicola, which led me to his friends who have become my friends.

These guys are some of the best guys I've had the pleasure of knowing. We clicked immediately and for a close group of friends that knew each other for years, they welcomed me into the fold. A guy they didn't know very long, who wasn't from Boston, who didn't grow up in their town, who didn't go to the same school that they did. They were even willing to make the trek to Pittsburgh for my wedding.

I'm at Logan International as I write this, eagerly awaiting my flight that'll return me to my wife. But there's also a bit of sadness leaving this city. It's always great to come here and see this great group, hanging out, drinking beer, and talking like I haven't been gone as long as I have.

Boston is one of the greatest cities in the world. Sure the traffic is ridiculous and navigating from one place to the other often requires quick reflexes and balls of steel. But if you come to this city and you can meet a group like the friends I have, you'll understand what I'm talking about.